Thursday, August 14, 2008

Cats

soundtracked by: Al Stewart - "Year of the cat"
I know what you're thinking. As you scroll down you're expecting to see a couple of pics of some cute furballs and possibly a hand or two stroking one of their fuzzy heads. Well nothing could be further from the truth.


This post isnt about why I like cats. Its about why they're so annoying. You see I have this backyard. And the only thing in this backyard are......my 11 cats. Yes I have 11 cats (well technically 3 cats and 8 kittens) running around my backyard.
I've noticed that cats are just like homeless people.

You give them food once, they come back asking for more.

They try to become your pal when you really don't wanna know them.

They're always raiding the trash cans 3 or 4 times a week.


And they pretty much plop down and sleep anywhere they want. Like on the side of the street or in the middle of the park. The only difference is cats can give themselves baths and homeless people can't.

Plus they use their cute fuzzy exteriors to induce sympathy amongst people in order to manipulate them into giving them food. Homeless people don't have fuzzy exteriors. And even if they did it wouldnt be cute.

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So anyways when a guy has a cat it tends to be a sort of a father-child relationship. You have to take care of the cat, feed it expensive cat food (btw those bastards at the supermarket raised the price of whiskas again), and provide it a place to sleep...just like a child. The good news is at least you dont have to potty train it.

Now, the 10 of my 11 cats are the result of my three-legged cat called Gato. Yea she's been sleeping around the neighborhood alot. Now as a 'father' this sort of presents an upsetting situation. First of all the cat that you've been nurturing for all these years, one day decides to get up, go out the door and disappear for like a month. You don't know where she is and what she's doing, and even if she's alive and well. And then just like that BOOM she returns back pregnant with a kid (or kids). Now what do you say to this cat? You can't yell at her because the poor thing is pregnant and all emotional and what not, and besides its not like she really listened to you much anyways to begin with.
And thus this leads to the birth of a whole batch of new furballs and then the nightmare starts to repeat itself. This is also compounded with the fact that you have to deal with your friends making inappropriately perveted jokes like "So dude...which pussy you gonna feed tonight?" (wink wink).

Now you might simply say...well gee don't keep a cat if you don't wanna have to deal with all that. But apparently theres an upside to a guy having a cat....

....Women love cats.

(well except for Sous and Pinkish's sister)

So therefore if a guy has a cat, women will automatically like you. And even IF women don't like you they'll still wanna see your cat, which means they'll be around you alot resulting in the likelihood of them possibly hooking up with you. So it pretty much works out in the end.


So why am I still single? Damn cats.

17 comments:

SouS said...

umm ur single, cos you spend too much time worrying abt those damn cats:D
gross cats!
even when you treat them well they go out of bounds!!!
gross!

8bitsofcoffee said...

Spoken like a true father. A tad bit too understanding for a father though :P

"three-legged cat called Gato"
She gets around fairly good for a three-legged cat.

You have at least named the cat. A friend of mine is refusing any attachment to them; I ended up naming the whole bunch. The slut would be Adora. Nice name, no?

Interesting post.

A Global Citizen said...

Awwwwwwww !!!

11 cats? how cuuuuute!

I LOVE CATS! and yes, your theory that women are more attracted to men with cats is somehow true.

You know what, ironically and suprisingly, now I seem to have a slight understanding of the reason that led to the banning of cats and dogs by the religious police in Saudi Arabia. Thanks to your post, I see the guys' point now! :D

Cool blog! :)

lolitta said...

oh God msh2llah how can u bear?
I really have phobia from cats
I like them just in the pics
but being in the same place with cats this is impossible...!

you're still single cuz you're a good father who cares about his kid's emotions loooooooooool

- Karamilah said...

11 cats, e7m, i had 1 cat and my bro kept behind moving it out the house until they did take my cat away from me because he has phobia. and u've got 11 mashallah, a bunch of kids huh. lol. I so much want 1 right now.

Khadija said...

...lol a great post!
for the record, i find men with cats no more attractive than a man without cats...really now what do we get men to believe about us ladies? a little bit of fur n we'll give them a second thought? hehe


thanks for the visit, do pop over again... :p

Faten said...

1st: those aren't the cats that girls go crazy about:/ those are steet cats, not the cutest type..

2nd: i hate cats :S not only hate them but want to desty every small living creature like cats !

Faten said...

you still have the time zone problem .. according to dhahran it's 8:12pm :D

SKITTLES said...

ok as a girl i love cats, even though i have non.
i had one once, a gazillion years ago.

anyhoo, the fact that you dont do tags coz they're so gay, but you post abt cats is very contradicting me friend. coz last time i checked, guys who post abt cats are pretty gay!

explain that to me :-o

ren_crow said...

sous
lol they're not that gross you know..

8bitsofcoffee
Yea sometimes I scare myself. Oho yea who says a handicapped cat can't get some? Adora sounds like such a girls name. Gato just means "cat" in spanish.

agc
Yea how about that? Seems like the hay2a is two steps ahead of everybody!

lolitta
well if you don't have a phobia of cats then its not so hard to bear. Oh boy lucky me.

karamilah
You know what? For a limited time I offer you to take any of my kittens....for free! Gosh i'm so nice aren't I?

khadija
Well apparently your opinion senorita is in the miniority here. Sure, will do.

faten
Actually gato was a street cat. But her offspring however are not. You have hate in your heart!
Eh I can't be bothered to change it.

skittles
Uh oh looks like you caught me! How will I ever get myself out of this one.

Random thoughts said...

well I personally don't like cats.

Tazeen said...

not all women love cats, some of us find them way too clingy and annoying as hell.

Stylish-Girl said...

LOL that was a funny post
i bet ur cats r driving u outta ur mind:P

we keep the cats in gramma's house (even tho i am the one who asked for it, but i dont have 2 deal with their bullshit anywayz:P)

so like u said, once this "slut" came home, and wooh there's like more than 8 cats following her inside the house! :-O

what the..how the hell do u get them all out!!!

and then they keep coming, and more coming, hanging around in ur yard!

(they're only nice when they're kittens! :S....awwww kittens :D u stroke them and they fall asleeeep)

*i used 2 put food for cats at university heh heh my unfinished breakfast, then they wud come everyday! oh they purr so loudly when they see me,,aaawww

(HEY :@ jsut cuz i had 1 day good mood, dnt think ill always be in one,get lost, seriously go away)
:P but thats mean right?

Stylish-Girl said...

u know, if ur cats r 2 many
u can always give them away???
family relatives/friends...etc;

and a keep a few 4 urself

ren_crow said...

random thoughts
Thats nice to know.

tazeen
lol yea as I'm starting to find out.

hebz
I don't think anybody wants anymore extra furballs. Theres too many of them around anyways.

Single and Fabulous said...

lol, loved the blog. I made sure that I get a male cat so if he decides to sleep around, I don't have to deal with the baggage ! Then I found out about cats' AIDS !!! if they sleep around they get it. It doesn't affect humans though, but the thought of my cat dying of AIDS because he's sleeping around made me take a very difficult dicision . . . castrate him !

on another note, yes women would get attracted to a man who has a cat, not 11 cats !! maybe that's why you're still single, looool

ren_crow said...

Thanks for the compliment senorita. Well you know if we all took it upon ourselves to educate our pets about safe sex and contraceptives then maybe we wouldnt have to worry about AIDS.

Eh I'll tell their mother (gato) to kick them out of the house and get some jobs. The lazy bums.