Thursday, April 15, 2010

Paranoid journal

Entry 1

My nascent attempts at starting this journal is in order to leave behind a testament of my existence in the event that something......terrible should happen to me. For I suspect that someone or some people are trying to put me to sleep. Permanently. Perhaps the NWO or the hobo down the street who I never bother giving money to.

My suspicions increased not so long ago when I strolled into the kitchen in order to grab a snack from the refrigerator. As I picked up the inconspicuous looking white box of Hostess Twinkies from the bottom shelf, I noticed something strange. The once white linoleum of the area underneath where the twinkie box lay was stained with something that appeared to be oddly dark green in color. On a closer inspection I realized to my horror that this was no mere stain, but the growth spores of........a fungus. All this time I was consuming food placed in a refrigerating unit that was contaminated by a deadly fungus. I was slowly being poisoned!

I immediately alerted my younger sister to the threat and it was resolved that a quick and evasive extermination of the fungus was the only appropriate course of action. After much debate I decided that while my sister would isolate the unwelcomed creature and sanitize the fridge, I would take my box of cream-filled yellow spongecake treats and consume them while updating about the perilous incident on my blog. Judging from my sister's unamused reaction it seemed obvious that the fungus had no intention of vacating the premises, and tough actions would be needed.

I admit the use of a deadly biological weapon was clever however because of my never-ending vigilance, an almost successful attempt on ending my life was averted.

Yours Sincerely,

P.S. I eventually suffered some minor bouts of sickness which I believed was due to unprotected exposure to the deadly fungus, however it was only after my mother scolded me for eating the twinkies that it became apparent that they were way past their expiration date.