Thursday, April 15, 2010

Paranoid journal

Entry 1

My nascent attempts at starting this journal is in order to leave behind a testament of my existence in the event that something......terrible should happen to me. For I suspect that someone or some people are trying to put me to sleep. Permanently. Perhaps the NWO or the hobo down the street who I never bother giving money to.

My suspicions increased not so long ago when I strolled into the kitchen in order to grab a snack from the refrigerator. As I picked up the inconspicuous looking white box of Hostess Twinkies from the bottom shelf, I noticed something strange. The once white linoleum of the area underneath where the twinkie box lay was stained with something that appeared to be oddly dark green in color. On a closer inspection I realized to my horror that this was no mere stain, but the growth spores of........a fungus. All this time I was consuming food placed in a refrigerating unit that was contaminated by a deadly fungus. I was slowly being poisoned!

I immediately alerted my younger sister to the threat and it was resolved that a quick and evasive extermination of the fungus was the only appropriate course of action. After much debate I decided that while my sister would isolate the unwelcomed creature and sanitize the fridge, I would take my box of cream-filled yellow spongecake treats and consume them while updating about the perilous incident on my blog. Judging from my sister's unamused reaction it seemed obvious that the fungus had no intention of vacating the premises, and tough actions would be needed.

I admit the use of a deadly biological weapon was clever however because of my never-ending vigilance, an almost successful attempt on ending my life was averted.

Yours Sincerely,
RYS

P.S. I eventually suffered some minor bouts of sickness which I believed was due to unprotected exposure to the deadly fungus, however it was only after my mother scolded me for eating the twinkies that it became apparent that they were way past their expiration date.

10 comments:

coralbead said...

Hey, next time you and your folks should do a regular check-up of the fridge so you can avoid these fungal threats.

It also helps to know what's in the fridge so that you won't forget which article of food is about to expire or go bad. Then again, it's unethical to leave food to waste.

Alhamdullillah you're still alive, and blogging!

SKITTLES said...

1. Why would you eat something that had green stuff on its box?

2. Wut uuup, my brotha from anotha motha?! it's sure been a while.

ren_crow said...

cb
Yea im alive. No need to fear the fridge will now be armed with a fungal detection device and an retinal scanning and encrypted keypad.

skittles
1. no no the green stuff was on the fridge under the box not on the box itself. I also had a craving for twinkies so...uhh.. yea....

2. ceiling?

Americanising Desi said...

it is a great thing you are alive to quote and narrate it all!

Shukar Alhamdullilah our immunity is beyond commendable!

SKITTLES said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SKITTLES said...

I was thinking something more like heaven, but ceiling works too.

Biblioholic83 said...

Entertaining read. For some reason it reminded me of "The Tell Tale Heart" by Poe...just you know, without the violence and slightly less insane.

Hijabis On Ranting Tour. said...

Hey interesting blog :), haha and cute funny too, just came by to say hi
take care
naz@ somalianarab.blogspot.com

Dazed&Confused said...

i was reading along to see if ur gonna eat it or not , AND YOU DID !!!

Wrong on soooooooooo many levels!!

DC

P.S where can someone find them Twinkies in Saudi ?!

ren_crow said...

dc
Black or white, hunger does not discriminate. They're usually available at any large supermarket.