Cats

soundtracked by: Al Stewart - "Year of the cat"

I know what you're thinking. As you scroll down you're expecting to see a couple of pics of some cute furballs and possibly a hand or two stroking one of their fuzzy heads. Well nothing could be further from the truth.

This post isnt about why I like cats. Its about why they're so annoying. You see I have this backyard. And the only thing in this backyard are......my 11 cats. Yes I have 11 cats (well technically 3 cats and 8 kittens) running around my backyard.
I've noticed that cats are just like homeless people.

You give them food once, they come back asking for more.

They try to become your pal when you really don't wanna know them.

They're always raiding the trash cans 3 or 4 times a week.

And they pretty much plop down and sleep anywhere they want. Like on the side of the street or in the middle of the park. The only difference is cats can give themselves baths and homeless people can't.

Plus they use their cute fuzzy exteriors to induce sympathy amongst people in order to manipulate them into giving them food. Homeless people don't have fuzzy exteriors. And even if they did it wouldnt be cute.

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So anyways when a guy has a cat it tends to be a sort of a father-child relationship. You have to take care of the cat, feed it expensive cat food (btw those bastards at the supermarket raised the price of whiskas again), and provide it a place to sleep...just like a child. The good news is at least you dont have to potty train it.

Now, the 10 of my 11 cats are the result of my three-legged cat called Gato. Yea she's been sleeping around the neighborhood alot. Now as a 'father' this sort of presents an upsetting situation. First of all the cat that you've been nurturing for all these years, one day decides to get up, go out the door and disappear for like a month. You don't know where she is and what she's doing, and even if she's alive and well. And then just like that BOOM she returns back pregnant with a kid (or kids). Now what do you say to this cat? You can't yell at her because the poor thing is pregnant and all emotional and what not, and besides its not like she really listened to you much anyways to begin with.
And thus this leads to the birth of a whole batch of new furballs and then the nightmare starts to repeat itself. This is also compounded with the fact that you have to deal with your friends making inappropriately perveted jokes like "So dude...which pussy you gonna feed tonight?" (wink wink).

Now you might simply say...well gee don't keep a cat if you don't wanna have to deal with all that. But apparently theres an upside to a guy having a cat....

....Women love cats.

(well except for Sous and Pinkish's sister)

So therefore if a guy has a cat, women will automatically like you. And even IF women don't like you they'll still wanna see your cat, which means they'll be around you alot resulting in the likelihood of them possibly hooking up with you. So it pretty much works out in the end.


So why am I still single? Damn cats.